Need a Little Humor in your Life?

These funny Mom texts (below) gave me a hearty chuckle. I totally get the difficulty with texting (autocorrect) and haven't even attempted voice text. Navigating the world of acronyms and emoticons is perilous. Uncharted territory. My advice: 'when in doubt, don't'.  But you can't always help it. Like yesterday, I'm  in the garden taking flower pics with my nifty iPhone (from my last birthday) when I spot weeds taunting me. I tuck the phone under my arm and bend down. After a few minutes an alarm blares. I'm so startled I nearly fall into the beans I haven't picked. Yet. I will.

What the heck? It's coming from my phone and there's a red emergency SOS threatening to send. Or did it already go out? Insert panicked bad word here.

I can't turn the phone off fast enough. Are cop cars gonna roll into my yard demanding the nature of my emergency? I didn't even know the phone had an alarm, let alone how to engage it. I do now.

What a monster this deceptively innocent device can be.

Oh, and then there's the whole Mom Memory thing. I nearly forgot to mention it.

Mom: Hi Bridget I space space space space how space are space you space doing period capitol eye love this new phone exclamation point

Bridget: I see you're using voice text. You don't have to say space Mom it does it for you.

Mom: I cucumber lettuce pea Ritalin

Bridget: What? Mom stop just type.

****

Mom: Andy, I can't find my phone. Can you call it so I can track it down?

Andy: I don't even have time to be quippy, Mom. It's in your hand.

Mom: What? No it's not. I've got a bag of groceries in my hand. Are you saying it's in the grocery bag? How do you know these things?

Andy: WHAT ARE YOU TEXTING ME WITH?

Mom: Never mind. I found it. Thanks!

****

Daughter: Mom where are you???

Mom: Leaving Walmart. Halfway home. Why sweetie?

Daughter: You brought me to Walmart with you...

Mom: Oh DARN! Be there in a bit!

Madre: I left my friggin charger in Dayton.

Mom: Do you know how worried I've been?

Madre: Mom I'm sorry. I couldn't get a hold of you.

Mom: I almost broke the treaty to be sure you were OK.

Madre: What treaty? MOM ARE YOU QUOTING TWILIGHT AT ME?

Mom: Yes.

****

Mom: Your great Aunt just passed away. LOL

David: Why is that funny?

Mom: It's not funny David! What do you mean?

David: Mom lol means laughing out loud!

Mom: Oh my goodness! I sent that to everyone. I thought it meant lots of love! I have to call everyone back. Oh God.

****

Mom: Please stop changing the google logo so much. I like the original one.

Son: Mom I don't change the logo. Google changes it.

Mom: You don't run the google?

Son: If I did I wouldn't be driving a 2004 ford.

Son to his Mum:

Finally, you've entered the digital age and got a smartphone!

How is it?

Mum?

Helloooooo???

Why aren't you answering?

Mum: Howdoyoudoaspace?

****

Son: Got an A in chemistry!

Mom: WTF, well done!!

Son: What do you think WTF means?

Mom: Well that's fantastic!

****

Mom: Good morning beautiful. :) xoxo Your imaginary boyfriend.

Daughter: Thanks Mom

Mom: Hi Honey how was your day? 8=======D

Daughter: WTF Mom! Why'd you type a penis emoticon???

Mom: I don't know what you mean. 8=======D is an alien smiley face.

Daughter: No it's not! It's a penis. Who told you that?

Mom: Well I saw it in some of your brother's texts to his girlfriend and when I asked he said it was an alien. Wait so 8=======D~ { (0) } isn't a space alien getting on a ship?

Daughter: No Mom it isn't.

****

Mom: I'm learning how to hashtag!

Son: That's great, Mom.

Mom: Hashtag conversation with son

****

There are a lot of these hilarious Mom texts online. I laughed out loud. LOL.

I don't write comedy but I do have a keen sense of humor which comes out in my books. For more on me please follow my Amazon Author Page:

https://www.amazon.com/Beth-Trissel/e/B002BLLAJ6


***Goats like to sit on rather than in their house.

“Every life should have nine cats.” And several dogs.

The dastardly duo, my Siamese/tabby mixes Peaches and Cream, patrol the house seeking for anything to get into. They thoroughly enjoyed ransacking Christmas presents and the glorious tree. Big fans.

When in a calm mode, Peaches is a lap cat, as is our curmudgeonly older tabby, Percy. Between them, they manage to share me, though I’m hard-pressed at times to find space for my laptop.

Insatiably curious Cream sits by my head, purrs in my ear, and nibbles my hair. He’s also box mad. Loves Amazon box day.

My tiny pom-poo Sadie Sue resides at my feet, and rescue dog, Jilly, on the love seat by the couch.

Two more kitties, Siamese mix, Pavel, and our elderly Minnie Mae prefer to perch overhead on the couch like vultures.

Sadie saves my seat for me when I get up. All of these furry friends aid in my writing. Some not as helpful as others, but each are faithful supporters. On those occasions when Peaches and Cream go coo-coo kitty, Sadie and I attempt to regain order, with little success. Cat herding is a thankless job, as Sadie will attest. Except for the odd scolding, Jilly mostly ignores the pair.

(Sadie Sue saving my seat)

(Jilly Lou being shy)

“Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons. ~Robertson Davies

“Cats choose us; we don’t own them.”—Author Kristin Cast

“If you want to write, keep cats.”
—Author Aldous Huxley

“If you want to concentrate deeply on some problem, and especially some piece of writing or paper-work, you should acquire a cat. Alone with the cat in the room where you work … the cat will invariably get up on your desk and settle placidly under the desk lamp … The cat will settle down and be serene, with a serenity that passes all understanding.” ~ Muriel Spark, A Far Cry from Kensington

“You cannot look at a sleeping cat and feel tense.”
—Jane Pauley (journalist, The Today Show)

“I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat.”
—Edgar Allan Poe (author, “The Raven”)

“Books, Cats, Life is Good.” ~ Edward Gorey

“I write so much because my cat sits on my lap. She purrs so I don’t want to get up. She’s so much more calming than my husband.” ~ Joyce Carol Oates

“It is very inconvenient habit of kittens (Alice had once made the remark) that, whatever you say to them they always purr.”
—Lewis Carroll (author, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland)

“I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.”
―Hippolyte Taine (critic)

“If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.” ~Mark Twain

“Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.” ~Joseph Wood Krutch

“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.” ~Ellen Perry Berkeley

“The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.” ~Paula Poundstone

“Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience.” ~Pam Brown

“There has never been a cat
Who couldn’t calm me down
By walking slowly
Past my chair.”
~Rod McKuen

“There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat.” ~Tay Hohoff

“I like cats a lot. I’ve always liked cats. They’re great company. When they eat, they always leave a little bit at the bottom of the bowl. A dog will polish the bowl, but a cat always leaves a little bit. It’s like an offering.” ~Christopher Walken

“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people, and many cats prefer people to other cats.” ~Mason Cooley

“Every life should have nine cats.”

***Fortunately, Peaches and Cream take a lot of naps, or this house would be in worse shape than it is. Images by daughter Elise Trissel

When the Wind Goes Out of Your Sails

Find a new jump off place. Launching from the same spot and crashing 'is no even working,' to quote from my then 3-year-old grandson, Colin. Fresh wind will give you lift and the perspective to explore new ground. Inspiration can come from the most unlikely places. If you never deter from the path, you don't know what wonders may be hidden in the trees. Hold fast to your faith. If you don't have any, reach deep inside and find some. You're gonna need every last bit.

An author once told me I'd need a second and third skin to be a writer. I was still working on the first one. I'm tougher now, but that doesn't mean the barbs don't hurt. Just less. Every venture in life is a challenge. Some more than others. Writing has to rank way up there. I write because it's what I do, and put my heart into each story. The labor required to craft these creations is indescribable. The gratification must come from the journey, though. Nothing else is a given. Readers may or may not appreciate my efforts. Ultimately, I must write for myself, and I'm exploring new ground. The path's a little hazy, but I'll find my way.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
~ Maya Angelou

"Out of difficulties grow miracles." ~Jean de la Bruyere

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be." ~William Shakespeare

I try to leave out the parts that people skip. ~Elmore Leonard

When I first took up writing romance novels with an all-out passion, I knew absolutely nothing about the genre, or the business of writing. No notion of the massive journey that lay ahead. I was as unwitting as a newly hatched duckling, and thought I could embark on this quest and sail along. 

I remember the first contest I entered, assuming I would win, of course. I was mentally planning my award acceptance speech when I received my scores. Not good, would you believe. I was stunned. One judge tossed me a bone. 'You have talent,' she assured me, 'as evidenced in your flair for description. 

Another bemused judge observed, 'You broke every rule.'

'Rules?' I mused. 'There's rules?'
I mean, who knew?

After a three day pout, I resumed the journey.

Somewhere along this rugged uphill climb, a kind soul directed me to RWA. I can't imagine how I would have grasped the rudiments without them and other writing groups. Always before me lay a new turn in the path, another hurdle to master, and onward ho I went like a sled dog through blinding snow, uncertain where shelter lay. Quitting might have been threatened, but was never a real option. No one ever achieves success by abandoning the quest. I knew that. Still do. So, wherever you are in the process, whether reveling in your stardom, or just undertaking this life changing journey, keep going. It's a well worn path and there are kindly guides along the way.

My basic thinking about writing is that stuff's gotta happen or you lose the reader's attention. 

Some wise quotes for inspiration:

If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. ~Toni Morrison

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. ~E.L. Doctorow

A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket. ~Charles Peguy


Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say. ~Sharon O'Brien

 
I'm not a very good writer, but I'm an excellent rewriter. ~James Michener


Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth

The story I am writing exists, written in absolutely perfect fashion, some place, in the air. All I must do is find it, and copy it. ~Jules Renard, "Diary," February 1895


Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. ~Author Unknown

A critic can only review the book he has read, not the one which the writer wrote. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. ~W. Somerset Maugham 



Writing comes more easily if you have something to say. ~Sholem Asch


I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork. ~Peter De Vries


Publication — is the auction of the Mind of Man. ~Emily Dickinson

Great Writing Quotes–With Fabulous Commentary and Pics!

“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.” ~E.L. Doctorow

Although it worries my mother when I say I’m talking amongst myselves….

*Image of me writing surrounded by grandbabies.

“Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself.”  ~Franz Kafka

Well that’s cheery, Franz, and why writers surround themselves with cats, keep pouring those heartening cups of coffee or hot tea, dive into chocolate, light candles, play our favorite music… sneak back online.  Again.

I especially like this quote:  “There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.” ~W. Somerset Maugham English dramatist & novelist (1874 – 1965)

“A word is not the same with one writer as with another.  One tears it from his guts.  The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket.”  ~Charles Peguy

 I compare capturing just the right word to netting butterflies before they soar away.  Words flee my thoughts just as swiftly if I don’t snag them.

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise.  The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ~Sylvia Plath

Amen to this Sylvia.

Although I must add there’s a difference between courage and writing about the worst life has to offer and calling it art.

“If there’s a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”  ~Toni Morrison

I actually do, do this in my writing.

“Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn’t wait to get to work in the morning:  I wanted to know what I was going to say.”  ~Sharon O’Brien

This is true as long as I am writing what I WANT.  Not what I think may sell.  And considering my sales of late, I must be in the minority about what’s popular.

“Publication – is the auction of the Mind of Man.”  ~Emily Dickinson

And it’s going too cheap these days.  Not all books can sell for .99 on kindle or be free.  Assuming the author wants to eat.

“Substitute “damn” every time you’re inclined to write “very;” your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”  ~Mark Twain

I love Mark Twain, who, BTW, is an ancestor on my father’s side.

“I’m not a very good writer, but I’m an excellent rewriter.”  ~James Michener

I can and do rewrite interminably.

“The wastebasket is a writer’s best friend.”  ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

Now, it’s the delete key on my laptop, but I remember the days of handwriting everything in ink and using whiteout until the pages were stiff with the stuff, then I’d crumple and throw until a pile accumulated around me and my faithful furry writing companions, both feline and canine.  As I write this there’s a small dog snoozing on one side, a large tabby purring under my arm and a playful kitten trying to get a rise out of someone.  To no avail.

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.”  ~William Wordsworth

Trust Wordsworth to come up with something  this lovely and poetic.  And to him I reply, I do!

“The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible.”  ~Vladimir Nabakov

What an optimist.  Face it, to most writers blank pages are scary.  Sit there leering at us and must be filled with something, anything, as fast as possible.  One can always edit something, but not nothing.

And similarly a quote by James Thurber: “Don’t get it right, just get it written.”

“Easy reading is damn hard writing.”  ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

He sure knew what he was talking about.

“The story I am writing exists, written in absolutely perfect fashion, some place, in the air.  All I must do is find it, and copy it.”  ~Jules Renard, “Diary,” February 1895

Heck, I’ve got a number of those floating around.  Not terribly marketable in that form though.

A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.  ~Karl Kraus

Yes, there’s a lot of Yoda in writers.  We’re all striving to be Jedi’s.

“Size matters not.  Look at me.  Judge me by size, do you?” ~Yoda

“Do, or do not.  There is no try.” ~Yoda

And very apt for writing as well as training to be a Jedi.

“Writing is my time machine, takes me to the precise time and place I belong.” ~Jeb Dickerson, www.howtomatter.com

*Mine too.

“I love being a writer.  What I can’t stand is the paperwork.”  ~Peter De Vries

Or all the promo he probably didn’t have to deal with.

“A critic can only review the book he has read, not the one which the writer wrote.” ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

Ah yes, there are times I wonder if the reviewer read the same book I wrote.   Other times, I delight that they totally got my story.

“I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.” ~English Professor (Name Unknown), Ohio University

This could have been said of me who got a D in a college class called The Novel.

“Most editors are failed writers – but so are most writers.”  ~T.S. Eliot

“For me, a page of good prose is where one hears the rain [and] the noise of battle.”  ~John Cheever

And all that other good stuff, seeing, smelling, tasting, feeling…the five senses.  I also like to include the sixth.

“I try to leave out the parts that people skip.”  ~Elmore Leonard

Oh gosh, me too.  Most people are probably skipping this post.

Write down the thoughts of the moment.  Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable.  ~Francis Bacon

And this, dear readers, is the essence of my writing.  I am not a PLOTTER.

“Every writer I know has trouble writing.”  ~Joseph Heller

“Writer’s block is a disease for which there is no cure, only respite.”  ~Terri Guillemets

“When something can be read without effort, great effort has gone into its writing.”  ~Enrique Jardiel Poncela

“A good style should show no signs of effort.  What is written should seem a happy accident.” ~W. Somerset Maugham, Summing Up, 1938

With these quotes I am in utter agreement.

“When you are describing,
A shape, or sound, or tint;
Don’t state the matter plainly,
But put it in a hint;
And learn to look at all things,
With a sort of mental squint.”
~Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (Lewis Carroll)

I suppose it’s sour grapes to point out that Carroll was an opium addict.  However, opium alone cannot make you brilliant so I still have to give him that.

“If I don’t write to empty my mind, I go mad.”  ~Lord Byron

Many writers are slightly mad.  I have a theory about writers, those who are on medication and those who should be.  I am.

“All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love Emerson.  And to this I say, let’s steal them back.

“What no wife (*spouse) of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he’s staring out of the window.”  ~Burton Rascoe

I spend a great deal of my writing in these sorts of thinking times.

“The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes.”  ~Agatha Christie

Which also ties into the above quote, those vital pondering moments.

“You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.”  ~Saul Bellow

“It is impossible to discourage the real writers – they don’t give a damn what you say, they’re going to write.”  ~Sinclair Lewis

And to all fellow writers I say, may the muse be with you.  And where would we be without the story tellers?  Now go snag those butterflies!